THINGS THAT REALLY IRRITATED ME TODAY
1. Labor Day. Yes, the whole day. A holiday to celebrate the achievements of workers by giving them a day off that actually means they think they can play their music at disco level and ruin the lives of those of us who have to work 365 days a year.
2. Waking after just three hours’ sleep but feeling okay because I know it’s Tuesday and Suits on the telly tonight. Then getting very annoyed when I realise it’s Monday and Harvey Speccter doesn’t want to marry me anyway.
3. Deciding not to try to get back to sleep but to get up and go to the bank to pay in some money so that I avoid overdraft fees. Then discovering it’s Labour Day. Bank not open.
4. No one wished me a Happy Labor Day (you see what I mean? This day is really bugging me in so many ways).
5. I am turning into a cross between Godzilla and the Elephant Man in the 10x magnifying mirror I foolishly bought to check on the blackheads – or should I say mine shafts – in my nose.
6. Just like Bank Holidays in the UK, no one has invited me to a barbecue. Apparently, they are all in Palm Springs for the Labor Day weekend.
7. My cinnamon and raisin toast burned.
8. The Barolo I bought in Trader Joe’s is corked – the fourth one of its kind that has been. Now I have to walk all the way up the hill to take it back.
9. The bedding I washed and dried yesterday is already wet again after another sweat-soaked night in this LA humidity.
10. Thoughts of death. But then they’re always irritating.
THINGS THAT REALLY MADE ME HAPPY TODAY
1. Opening my friend Bradley’s gift of fresh produce from his garden and eating tomatoes that taste like tomatoes, unlike the ones from the supermarket that taste of congealed eyeballs (well, how I imagine a congealed eyeball to taste).
2. Getting on the scale and discovering I have lost 2 lb in this heat, as I am eating less.
3. Catching up on Mistresses and Body of Proof – and watching last week’s Suits for the second time.
4. Working all day – geddit? Labor Day, people!
5. Squeezing my blackheads in the 10x magnifying mirror. Always very satisfying, and also plucking out the black hair that was a veritable Loch Ness Monster in the depths of my chin.
6. Looking at my photos of the Paramount Studios’ New York lot from last night’s LA Taste festival and thinking fun thoughts of believing I was in the movies.
7. Looking at a photo me aged about six with my dad (who died in 1990), and thinking how lucky I was to have had such a great one, who was kind, loving and good. I still miss the cup of tea he brought every one of us in bed each morning our entire lives.
8. A tiny dachshund that wagged its tail at me.
9. Finally remembering to buy a TAP card to use on the bus so I do not spend half my life scrabbling around for quarters to put in the driver’s machine.
10. Waking up. When you get to my age, trust me, that’s the biggest blessing of all.